A wizard must do his best not to judge any person or thing on their first appearance. Many a human or other intelligent creature will have hidden depths to their personalities which you will only discover as you get to know them and work with them; and hidden cash reserves, which you can bill them for regularly as this aforementioned knowledge process takes place.
— THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM,
VOLUME LVI
I was pushed to the ground. Something grabbed me. Something as hard as rock. I was lifted into the air as I might lift an insect from a leaf.
I looked down at the rapidly receding earth to see Snarks, Hendrek and the Brownie staring up in horror. Where was my master?
There was a sneeze close by my left ear. I managed to turn my head against the wind, and saw my master, clasped within a giant yellow claw. I looked down at the hard yellow ridges that contained me, and realized that I was held by a claw as well.
The thing had me clutched facing down. I found it impossible to crane my head any farther to discern the true nature of our captor. Perhaps, considering the size of the claws, ignorance was bliss. I could only look at the rapidly moving ground far below and wish that I had not eaten such a heavy lunch.
We were moving at fantastic speed. I felt as if the wind might tear the clothes from my already-chilled body. It roared in my ears and made tears stream down my face. I cried out against the wind, full of fear and anger. What could be worse than this?
And then the thing’s claw began to open.
I clutched for a hold on the horny yellow flesh. Rather we should be carried aloft and windblown forever than be dashed among the trees far below! But the trees were getting closer. In my panic, I had not noticed how far the thing had descended.
Suddenly, we were above a clearing filled with milling people. No, no, they weren’t people. They were something else entirely.
That’s when the claw let me go.
As I picked myself up, my first thoughts were for my master. But there he was beside me, his deep blue wizard’s robes in disarray. His fine magician’s cap was gone, but otherwise he seemed to have survived intact. He was, of course, sneezing profusely.
Something roared mightily nearby. Instinctively, I reached for my stout oak staff. It was nowhere around me. I realized with a chill that both my staff and pack were gone!
It would have to be my fists, then. I stared at the ground for an instant, calming myself, steeling my resolve to battle until my last ounce of strength was gone, for Ebenezum, and Vushta!
I looked up into the face of the strangest creature I had ever seen.
“Do you have any gold?” the face rumbled. It was the face of a very large eagle. The body of the creature, however, was not birdlike at all, but was rather that of a lion. Was this what I had heard roar before? It had not been a very friendly sound. Then, of course, there were the creature’s great wings, not to mention the tail, which looked like the latter half of one of the longest snakes I had ever seen. All in all, I was understandably taken aback.
The creature growled, obviously upset that I had not answered him.
“I repeat,” it said, “do you have any gold?”
What could I say? I had no idea whether we had any gold or not. Ebenezum always handled all our money matters. But being in the presence of what was obviously an enchanted beast, my master’s sneezing fit now consumed him entirely.
The beast’s serpent tail began to twitch in an agitated manner. The creature opened its beak and emitted a sound far worse than words. It began as the cry of an eagle and ended as the roar of a lion, embodying the harsher characteristics of both calls. All in all, it was quite unpleasant.
“Oh, Pop, come off it!” Another magical beast, this one with the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a horse, galloped between us. “Can’t you see you’re scaring the pants off this guy?”
“There are certain customs that must be observed,” the father said stiffly. “Griffins always look for gold.”
“But we’re here to change all that, remember?”
“Ah, yes.” The Griffin made a strangled noise deep in his throat. “We’ll talk about it later, when we’re alone. He’s a bright lad,” it said to no one in particular. “A little headstrong, but bright.”
“But Pop! You have to tell them!”
The Griffin turned and roared at its son.
“I don’t have to do anything!”
“But Pop! Why else would we bring them here?”
“Ah, yes.” The Griffin paused again. “That is true.” The beast turned to me. “You have been abducted for a reason.”
The eagle/horse walked over to my still-sneezing master.
“You know, Pop, this guy looks like he’s in a lot of trouble.”
“Do you have to keep interrupting me!” The Griffin raked its claws through the tall grass before him. The grass became considerably shorter. “Youngsters! Nothing’s good enough for them anymore! Well, let me tell you something, son. I’ve had more than enough of your interference!”
“I was just trying to help!” The youngster stamped its left forehoof. “It takes you forever to do anything!”
“No respect!” The Griffin growled deeply. “When I was your age, nobody wore his feathers that long! You’re a disgrace to the mythical community!”
Ebenezum covered himself with his robes. The sneezing continued unabated.
“We’ve really got to do something with this guy.” The youngster nudged Ebenezum gently with its beak. “It doesn’t do any good to talk to them if they’re dead.”
“Oh, very well.” The Griffin turned back to me. “Are you sure you don’t have any gold?” It nodded its beak at a couple of nearby creatures. “Shake them up and down and see if they clink.”
The younger creature was right. Ebenezum was in sad shape. I didn’t think a good shaking would improve his health. Hurriedly, I remarked that, even if we had had any gold, we would have lost it during our ride here.
The Griffin sighed. “True enough. That’s one problem with the Rok. He’s fast enough, but he’s not very bright.” The beast stared at me with an eagle eye. “He’s the exception, of course. Most of us are quite talented.”
“Maybe we should let them rest awhile,” the youngster suggested gently. “There’s that old shack over—”
“Be quiet and let your elders think! Youngsters!” The Griffin paused, then raised a wing in triumph. “Of course! There’s that old shack over there! It’s out of the wind. The sneezing human can get warm and dry. After a few hours, he’ll be ready to talk!”
“You mean listen, don’t you, Pop?”
The Griffin caught itself midroar. “Ah, yes. My son is right. We’ll have our meeting tomorrow then, at dawn.” It shook its head sadly. “Why is there never any gold? It’s hard on an old Griffin, let me tell you.”
A couple of creatures with the bodies of horses and the chests, heads and faces of men helped hoist the helplessly sneezing wizard onto the back of the eagle/horse. Apparently, even though the Griffin was still muttering about the lack of gold and his place in society, we weren’t supposed to pay any attention to him anymore. Certainly nobody else was.
“Centaurs,” the youngster said to my confused expression. He took off at a good trot. I had to run to keep up.
“Excuse me,” I ventured, trying to make sense out of this whole thing. “Is that what you are? A Centaur?” Somehow, I had the feeling that this creature’s head was all wrong for that classification. I added lamely: “You’re not a Griffin; are you?”
The youngster laughed heartily. “Boy, you don’t have your mythology down at all, do you? I’m a Hippogriff. Actually, I’m the Hippogriff, as far as I know.”
Was that something my master should have taught me? Perhaps every apprentice worth his name automatically knew what a Hippogriff was. On occasion, when we found ourselves in difficult situations such as these, I did wish I had made it just a little further with my wizardly apprenticeship.
“You’re the only Hippogriff, then?” I replied, doing my best to seem polite. Though it is difficult to feign interest when your master may be sneezing his life away. “What,” I added after a moment, “is there not much call for the job?”
The Hippogriff looked at me far more soberly. “On the contrary. Since I’m the first, writing the job description is up to me.” It looked down proudly at its hooves. “I am unique, the product of true interspecies romance.”
“Interspecies romance?” I asked. I realized as soon as the words were out of my mouth that this matter might be too delicate for common conversation.
“Of course.” The Hippogriff fluffed its wings out proudly. Well, the creature didn’t seem to mind, then. Still, I would have felt on much firmer ground in this situation if I could have told just when an eagle was smiling. “You’ve met my father. My mother was a horse. All in all, I would say a fine combination.”
“You mean,” I asked, temporarily taken aback by the very thought, “that you can have—uh—romantic interludes with any animal that interests you?”
“Certainly. Birds and fish, too!”
The whole idea left me momentarily speechless. I was all too familiar with the problems presented by romance with human females. Romance with nearly anything that moved was a truly overwhelming concept. A wizard’s apprentice needs to be ready for all occurrences. Still, having a love affair with a trout was virtually beyond my comprehension.
“You seem a bit taken aback,” the Hippogriff remarked. “Trust me, it’s a truly liberating experience.” The creature’s voice lowered to a more confidential tone. “I tell you, right now there’s this little ocelot I have my eye on. Woo Woo!” The Hippogriff smacked its beak.
“Ah! Here we are!” The Hippogriff sat, depositing the bundle of still-sneezing wizard at the front door of what could in charity be called a dilapidated shack. The boards of what once were sturdy walls sagged inward on all sides, as if the shack was trying hard to return to its earlier state of being as a pile of lumber. There was something that might once have been a window on one side of the structure, plus a couple of even more ragged holes elsewhere that appeared to have occurred sometime after the shack was built.
“Our best accommodations,” the Hippogriff remarked. “This should give your friend here a chance to rest. It’s away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the beasts. Your only neighbor is the unicorn we’ve got penned up just beyond those trees. What a bore, that unicorn, always going on about virgins. Who knows anything about virgins?”
I agreed hastily.
“Oh, by the way,” the Hippogriff added, “please don’t think of escaping. There’s a lot of beasts among us who are very good at finding humans, and some aren’t as gentle in their transportation as our friend the Rok. Have a nice night.” The Hippogriff turned and galloped away.
My master took a deep breath and, for a change, did not sneeze. He groaned instead. I looked at the clouds gathering in the late afternoon sky. I decided I should get him inside what little shelter the shack would provide.
A piece of frayed rope was tied to the door. I pulled, praying the crumbling hemp would hold long enough for the door to swing out. There was a rending noise. I tossed the door, now free of its hinges, aside and carried my master into the shack’s interior. The place had a dirt floor. I placed my master in the very center of the small room, as far away from the crazily leaning walls as possible.
Ebenezum groaned again, then raised himself to his elbows and blew his nose.
“ ‘Tis a nightmare, Wuntvor,” was all he could manage before he had to catch his breath.
I asked my master to rest. There must be a stream nearby. I would pop out for a minute and bring us back some water.
I stepped to the door, and startled two winged creatures. They flew up with cawing screams that ran down my spine like ice. Their appearance had unsettled me almost as much as I had frightened them. The things had the bodies of vultures, but the heads of beautiful women.
I almost stumbled over the buckets they had left behind. One was filled with water, the other with something hot and steamy that looked like stew. Well, I reflected, at least our captors were taking care of us. If what I had seen so far was indicative of the rest of them, I hoped they would continue to take care of us from the greatest distance possible.
I grabbed a bucket in each hand and took them inside to my master.
Ebenezum had sat up in my absence and, besides the fact that he had lost his cap, looked reasonably well composed.
“Indeed,” he murmured as I placed the two buckets before him. He pulled two wooden spoons from the stew and handed one to me. “All the comforts of home.”
The wind gusted outside. The shack creaked horribly.
“As temporary as our home may be,” Ebenezum added as he spooned a mouthful of stew.
The food was bland but palatable, with many vegetables and some sort of thankfully unidentifiable meat. As my stomach filled, I considered that it had probably been prepared to satisfy the needs of the greatest variety of creatures possible. Satiated at last, I inquired how my master felt.
“Remarkably well, all things taken into account,” Ebenezum replied when he was done licking his spoon. “One feels much better when one can breathe. The first bout of sneezing tends to clear the nasal passages.” He rubbed his nose absently. “ ‘Tis a little sore, but, with a good night’s sleep, I will survive.”
The wizard rubbed his stomach. “Indeed,” he said after a moment’s pause. “We seem to have but one or two small problems here. First, there is far too much magic about here for my malady. I do not think these creatures necessarily mean to do us harm, for they took note of my sneezing, and gave us accommodations so that I might recover.” He glanced absently at the swaying walls. “Then again, perhaps they put us here to be rid of us altogether. I don’t think this shack would survive a summer shower.”
The wizard pulled his gaze away from the creaking wood and turned back to me. “Second, they have separated us from the rest of our party, although that may, in a way, be more blessing than curse. Still, along with our companions we have lost both personal belongings and some very important magical gear. With the limits of my sorcery of late, I had come to depend more and more on my arcane paraphernalia. I shall miss it.”
My master paused again. His fingers, which had been playing absently with his beard, tightened into a fist.
“Third, and by far the most serious, we are no longer able to travel to Vushta. The world seems to be unravelling faster than any of us can hold it together. Tonight I must sleep. Tomorrow, we will listen to what these beasts have to say, but we cannot stay here longer. If they do not let us leave freely, we will escape in the night.”
I shivered involuntarily.
My master nodded. “And we will have to deal with whatever terrible things they send after us. We must, to defeat the Netherhells!”
So we sat for a minute, listening to the shack complain at an occasional gust of wind. I realized that, much to my surprise, it was perfectly quiet. For the first time in half a day, I thought of my own true love.
“I must talk with Norei,” I said. “1 think I can do it now.”
“An excellent plan, Wuntvor! While it is hard to imagine us in more difficulty than we are at present. Still, my age and wisdom tell me that it can get far worse. At this juncture, any assistance from any source would be most welcome.” My master rubbed his nose again. “Except, may I suggest that when you perform the necessary magic, you do it outside our shelter?”
It was little enough to ask. I stepped through the doorway, and looked about in the twilight for the piece of rotting wood I had discarded before. I propped it as best I could against the doorway, shutting my master away as much as possible from the outside world and the magic that I was about to perform.
The wind had died, as it often does at evening, and the world seemed strangely serene. Clouds still covered a good part of the sky, but where they broke I could see the stars. It was nice to be outside, on my own, in the quiet dark. But I should not let a temporary feeling of well-being distract me from my task. Every moment I dallied was another moment the Netherhells could further their plans. I would contact Norei, and gain what knowledge and help that I could.
After a moment’s thought, I decided to move a bit farther from the shack in which my master slept. The greater the distance, I thought, the kinder it would be to his nose. I would not go too far; the clouds above made the night very dark. Still, there was a copse of trees nearby. If I were to perform my magic just beyond that natural barrier, I would be able to find my way back handily when the task was done. I walked slowly across the field, careful of sinkholes and hidden roots. Already, my mind was filled with thoughts of flying grackles. I would make my master proud of me!
I passed through the trees even more carefully, lest I trip over some bush or sapling in the blackness. Soon, though, I had won my way through to the other side, where I came to a wooden fence. It was a sturdy piece of construction, and held my weight well when I leaned against it. I decided I would prop my back against it as I said my spell.
I said the magic words and thought of a grackle.
Once again, my thoughts took flight, this time through the night sky above the clouds. It was a new world up here, awash with countless points of pale light which made the clouds below into rolling hills, like the world must have looked before the coming of man and beast. As I flew, I felt like I was a small star myself, brother to all the other stars in the heavens.
Some sense given me by the spell guided me on my way. I was near. I spread my wings and dived through the clouds, confident I would see my true love anon.
I couldn’t see a thing. The clouds had grown together as I flew, blotting out the stars. How could I find my true love’s flaming red hair when there was no way in the blackness to tell red from green or purple? I cried out my despair; the rough caw of a grackle.
“Wuntvor!” The voice was far away. I did not so much hear it as feel it in my mind. But I knew the voice was Norei’s.
“Beloved!” I cried in return, being careful to keep the grackle’s image firm in my mind. This apprentice was not going to make the same mistake twice! “Norei! Where are you?”
“Follow my voice!” she cried, and I obeyed gladly. “I am beneath the trees!” I swooped lower, skimming the treetops. The forest went on forever!
“Here!” she called. “I can sense you near!”
I plunged through the leaves. Where was I? There was rustling all around me. I was so close now! I couldn’t get lost in the upper branches! I flapped my wings, and broke through to clear air beneath the trees. And there, before me, stood Norei!
She smiled up at me. Her perfect lips opened and she called, “Well done, Wuntvor!”
It was enough to make all my feathers stand on end. I cawed with happiness! Oh, if only my magic beak would turn to lips, I would kiss that perfect mouth ‘til all the breath had left my mortal form!
“Wuntvor, please!” Norei laughed, the sound of tiny bells ushering in springtime. “Wuntvor, stop! Your feathers tickle!”
I pulled up short, and almost lost the grackle in my mind. My magical form had far more substance than I had imagined. I started to stammer out an apology.
“There’s no time for that now!” Norei replied. “We must talk while the spell holds us together!”
Yes, yes, talk! Norei, my beloved! How long had I wished to see your sweet face—
“Wuntvor!” My beloved’s voice had developed a stern edge. “You are sweet, but sometimes—” She sighed. “Your spell is far too delicate. It’s liable to be broken at any moment! We must talk about the Netherhells!”
Yes, yes, of course, she was right. I was here to get her message, the important warning the Brownie had told us about!
“Wuntvor, the Netherhells have embarked on the most diabolical plan in the history of the world!”
Yes, yes, my beloved! Ebenezum discerned this as well! The Netherhells wish to take the surface world and make it their own! That’s why we must rush to Vushta and rally our strength!
Norei paused. Was that the limit of her message? I felt a brief disappointment. Had I anticipated this moment for so long, only to have Norei tell me something I already knew?
“I see,” she said at last. “Then do you know about the Forxnagel?”
Not the Forxnagel! The shock was so great, I once again nearly lost my grackle form. The Forxnagel was the overspell. He who successfully completed it would control all magic everywhere. We had once defeated an inept magician who had attempted this all-powerful magic. But the denizens of the Netherhells were far from inept! This was much worse than I imagined!
“What, you knew that, too?” Norei had taken my shocked silence for silent indifference. Vexation was entering her voice. “Maybe I shouldn’t have even spoken to the Brownie! Well, how about this, then? It’s the most important part. Do you know about the fate the Netherhells have particularly planned for the Wizard?”
“What?” I cawed in alarm.
“Well, good. I’m glad I didn’t call you for no reason whatever. It’s a shame to waste magic.” Norei smiled ever so slightly before her earnest expression returned.
“They’re very specific about it. Ebenezum has quite an enemy in the Netherhells, a powerful demon named Guxx Unfufadoo.”
A chill went down my feathered spine. The warning had to do with Guxx? The situation was becoming more desperate with every passing moment.
“Guxx has plans for your master,” Norei continued. “Hideously demonic plans. Listen carefully, if you wish to save his life—”
“Yes, my belov—,” I began. I felt a pain in my chest. No, not the chest of the magic grackle, but my human chest, so many miles away from Norei.
I was being stabbed!